To loose a love is to watch that love no longer exist

To fall out of love with someone is lever easy. For your eyes and heart to slowly and gradually let go, and maybe for a while to not be sure of exactly what your feeling, but you know deep, deep down that its no longer love. 

Love itself is a mere feeling, a chemical reaction within the chemistry within our minds. Its a complex mixture of all of the feel good chemicals that often blind our logic and reason. The reason behind our minds becoming so closed, so lost that when we first fall in love, it's all down to those chemicals. Those neurobiological chain reactions, They fool our perception, they fool us so much, that we often become unrecognisable people - even to ourselves. 

Because emotional intelligence is something that is rarely talked about, its no wonder that so many have no real idea the difference between love and lust, the difference between a true bond and that of a trauma bond. Becoming so wrapped up with what's going on within that said attachment, people often struggle with the self awareness needed to be able to step outside that love bubble. Its like any ounce of self awareness you may or may not have had before the new love, it would surely be all gone once your in the mince of it. Once that serotonin takes hold, you being able to see around the love, see from the outside- inwards disappears like a piece of rice paper disappearing within a drop of water. 

                                It's a very known observation within psychology that as humans we are easily conditioned. That is why secure attachment within childhood is so important and why it travels down the line to adulthood in the way of romantic relationships. Our true sense of self is forged by how secure it is with the other person within that relationship. If our emotional needs are met, then needs of us are met and that sense of us within the external world is safe. We know that once we have that safe base, then we are acutely aware that if a certain danger arises, we have a safe base to return too if we need confirmation that we're in fact safe.. This sense of love within attachment is so, unbelievably important, but is also very, very fragile. When am attachment suddenly is lost within childhood, then the schema is forged that love is unpredictable, its not trustworthy. Its unsafe and that's not a good model to have when dealing with the world, and later on with friendships and romantic relationships. 

    

                            That's why trauma bonds feel so safe, even if they are not. Even if in fact, outside that love bubble, they are a very toxic (and sometimes dependable and violent).. We feel like they are. Previous relationships and attachments forge our model with ourselves and the outside world, and that is forged in the way of attachment. We can't have a relationship with a toaster, but we do with our mum and dad who used to make us that toast. Our very, very first model of attachment and ultimately love is forged through those who brought us up. But the action of someone making us toast can trigger that past moment or love and attachment. It's being certain that it's a healthy connection, or a toxic one. That's the key. 

Moral of the story is love is the same as the lust when the chemicals are attaching you to someone new, but it's entirely upto you to be aware of wherever or not its closing your mind or opening it. 

Be free, be you. Love and peace for all. X