Wife of a bi man, my true liberation.

I've no doubt mentioned it to most probably everyone I've ever come across on the scene .You know the people that we actually get to know - and not just shag... Although let's be honest, with my constant verbal diarrhoea, there's probably a high chance I've already told you during a shag, or an orgy.. (Which if that's the case, you may want to skip past this post; wasting one's time reading something you already know is never a good thing but then again. I've always been able to better explain myself writing, as verbally was always quite difficult. (you can blame the dyspraxia and social stigma for that) 

Hehehehe.... 

But when I first started to watch porn - and use it to actually properly wank and not just laugh mindlessly at it, the whole thing was such a taboo thing at the time, that I had to constantly hide it. The shame would consume me at times, even though I knew deep, deep down - that there was possibly nothing to be ashamed about! I still felt like an alien, a freak for following the throbbing of my tiny clit. Being a young teenager is a tough experience - in of itself, but having these particular wants & needs me feel even more of an outcast. 

The fear induced shame no doubt came from my direct environment - which of course was my heteronormative family, who would always present their opinions quite freely. Often quite open together, so I often would joke with them, pretend that I too agreed with them. (when I didn't and was so internally conflicted, that I hated being around them and myself for being so two-faced.) I loved them, damn did I love them but I started to grow a dislike for them and although I tried my upmost to not let it get to me. It wasn't long before I knew that I had to go, I had to leave them behind. My higher expectations of what it means to be human, to feel love and to not be Prejudice over imagined differences, it needed to disappear into the night, or I risk the possibly of becoming just like them.

The worse part of that of time; wasn’t my mum and dad breaking up. It was more that the only thing they had agreed on was my sexuality, or the fact that they both hated that I had come out bisexual. Apparently being 12 and knowing that I had certain feelings (nothing too sexual) for girls as well as boys meant I was confused, conflicted. They both (and the rest of my family that surrounded me at the time) agreed that I was either going to pick a side; eventually. But I knew right away that the way I would feel about boys that I liked, was exactly the same as the feelings I had for girls too. It was never difficult for me to understand. The only shame I felt, was by the words that they echoed out to me in family discussions. The fact of the Matter was, I was always going to be bi. It wasn’t confusion on my half; it wasn’t some sort of trauma induced psychological aspect to my identity. It was just my sexual orientation. And as the years went by throughout my whole adolescence years; my feelings never changed. In fact, they became more and more solidified, within my heart ♥️

I'm not sure who knows this about me..

But anyway - let's not get into how I managed to go, or who I met along the way, as we would be here about 3 hundred hours.. Lol.. But fast forward almost 22 years later and I'm married to a beautifully open bi guy who doesn't care about the restraints of the social world around him, for his glittery, camp shine could blind my entire family with a single sentence. And I absolutely love that! I am so happy that I've met someone that I can be my authentic, dominant self around and not only does he accept me for me; but he also finds it insatiably sexy. 

And I'm internally so happy and content that I don't need to hide who I am. But I sometimes have to pinch myself that I've managed to marry a bi guy. That watching real life gay porn, like happening in the moment, in real time (and usually done under my command) is common for me. Like I'm the most luckiest person that ever lived. If the world isn't ready for the real you - then you need to go and find your true gang, the best people will always find you. You don't owe anyone anything, even if they are your blood. Love should automatically mean respect but that's not always the case. Toxic belief systems should never be passed down. We live, we learn and we become aware of what is right to us in real time. Sometimes, walking away is the only real way to learn about who you truly are. Unpacking (and unfucking) all these toxic ways of thinking is the true liberation.